I spent a lot of my life wishing someone else would show up for me in the ways I needed.
Then I realized something:
I had become that person for myself.
The more I learn about my defense mechanisms and why I protect myself the way I do, the more compassion I have for myself.
I started realizing that a lot of the ways I respond to things didn’t come from nowhere. They came from a place of needing to protect myself.
I had to learn how to protect my own heart.
I had to learn how to stand up for myself.
I had to learn how to navigate situations that hurt me, disappointed me, or made me feel like I had to rely on myself.
I had to become my own advocate.
(If you want to learn more about defense mechanisms and why we develop them, I dive deeper into that in this post: Your Defense Mechanisms Aren’t Your Personality
And honestly?
I still feel like I have to sometimes.
For a long time, I looked at that as something I needed to fix.
Why am I so protective?
Why do I have such a hard time letting my guard down?
Why do I feel like I always need to be prepared?
But the more I understand myself, the more I realize those parts of me were never trying to make my life harder.
They were trying to take care of me.
And there is something really beautiful about that.
I think we are often so quick to judge the parts of ourselves that feel like “too much.”
The part of us that notices everything.
The part of us that is always prepared.
The part of us that fights hard for ourselves and the people we love.
The part of us that doesn’t want to be hurt again.
But what if those parts aren’t something to be ashamed of?
What if they were created because, at some point, we needed them?
When I think about the friend I have always wanted, I realize something:
I have worked really hard to become that person for myself.
The person who fights for me.
The person who protects my peace.
The person who reminds me of my worth.
The person who doesn’t abandon me when things get hard.
The person who shows up.
Maybe I didn’t always receive that from everyone else.
Maybe there were times when I had to be the one to give myself the support I was looking for.
But somewhere along the way, I became the person I needed.
And there is something really beautiful about that.
Because yes, my experiences shaped me.
Yes, they created defense mechanisms that I am still learning to understand.
But they also built something really special.
They built someone who loves deeply.
Someone who cares fiercely.
Someone who will fight for herself and the people she loves.
Someone who knows how important it is to feel protected.
I think healing isn’t always about becoming a completely different person.
Sometimes it’s about understanding the person who has been there all along.
The parts of yourself that kept going.
The parts that protected you.
The parts that loved you before you even knew how to love yourself.
Maybe you are also the person you’ve been waiting for.
Maybe the love, patience, and protection you’ve always wanted from others is something you can begin learning to give yourself.
Not because you should have had to do it alone.
Not because you didn’t deserve support from others.
But because you deserve to feel that love and protection from yourself, too.
And there is something really beautiful about that.
